New Me

I had a great day yesterday! It was a very not-stressful, relatively uneventful, but still fun birthday. I had a few very important realizations, and I feel that they will lead to a new me emerging.

Realization #1 – When I was younger, I believed in myself totally and completely. I knew I was a good singer and that I was smart. I set goals for myself and was confident that I could achieve them. Because I believed in myself, others naturally believed in me too. Confidence is contagious in that way. Somewhere along the line, though, I started depending on the confidence of others in order to fuel my own self-worth. Instead of feeling smart and talented, I needed those around me to convince me that I was. In order to return to the hard-working self-confident girl I used to be, I have to find confidence in myself apart from what anyone else thinks.

Realization #2 – I have been using various distractions and excuses to avoid finishing any project because I am ultimately afraid of what others will think of my writing. If I don’t actually finish a project and get it out there, then no one can judge it.

Realization #3 – I spend a lot of time thinking about the past stages of my life or “who I used to be” and wishing that I had made more of my life at the time, lived to the fullest so to speak. I feel regret and longing for other times because I feel that I didn’t fully live them the way I should have. However, I only just now realized that in doing that, I am also failing to live THIS moment to the fullest, thereby perpetuating the cycle and heading down a path that will lead to me looking back on this moment wishing I had done more with my life. The only cure for this is to start now to make the most of today.

These three very important realizations are a breakthrough for me on the road to being the person I know I want to be. Self-confidence, hard work, and the courage to finish a project and send it out into the market are what I need right now more than anything in my writing. This is the beginning of a whole new me, and even though everyday will not be perfect, at least I am aware of where I need to change and can start moving in the right direction.