Procrastination

In the book of my life, chapter one is probably called “Procrastinator Extraordinaire”. I dare to say that I have a talent for procrastinating. Somehow, I tend to know exactly how long I can wait to begin something in order for it to be done at the precise moment that it is due. I practiced this skill to perfection when I was in college. When a paper was due, I would put it off while a few of my friends would start early. And then when a couple more friends would decide that the time had come, I would still delay. Hell, it might be midnight the night before the paper is due, and I would just be starting it. I would work through the night, focused and determined, and at 8:00,I would be on time to class with a paper in my hand. Usually I got an A or A- on everything. The one time I started a paper a week early, I got a C.

Even though I have been out of college for quite some time, I am still a heavy procrastinator. I must admit, however, that it does not carry the thrill it once held for me. Sometimes, I think that I procrastinate to the point of denying myself happiness. Life isn’t about writing papers or getting good grades anymore. Now, I procrastinate with things like vacuuming, or making phone calls, or writing. Things that I know, once I finish, I will be happy about. Exercising is a big one. Why do I delay? Why do I keep putting these things off? No one is setting a “vacuum the living room” deadline for me, so therefore, I can procrastinate doing it indefinitely.

For the amateur procrastinator, this might mean very little. However, for someone like me who might as well have been a professional procrastinator for years, the transition from a largely deadlined life to a life where I set my own deadlines or, horror of horrors, no deadlines exist, has been difficult to say the least. I have spent a lot of time thinking about where my motivation has disappeared to, and I think this could be a key point. Without a deadline pushing me to know exactly when I should start a task, I have a hard time getting motivated to do it.

I have tried, in light of this realization, to set my own deadlines. For example, my boyfriend and I have installed a “clipboard” system where we put a couple of clipboards on the wall that hold our to-do lists. One holds the weekly list, and another holds the monthly list. By the end of each week or month, all of the items on the list need to be checked off. This has helped a bit, but nothing compares to the motivation that a grade or a professor used to bring to my life. I think the real solution lies deeper than a clipboard can go. I think that I need to start redesigning my thought process and instead of constantly looking outside of myself for motivation, start an internal method of pushing myself to act. I realize it won’t happen overnight, but I am going to start moving towards a life where, when something needs to get done, I just do it now. Even just typing that out made my stomach flip in fear. Maybe I’ll start working on it next week…