Weight Gain

Well, so far so good with the exercise this week. I am about to head out for my third day of Jazzercise. I can definitely feel the resistance starting to pull me down and make me want to come up with some excuses why I can’t go today. Resistance is a very curious thing. It’s not that I don’t enjoy Jazzercise. In fact, when I’m there and I’m really into it, so far it is the best I have felt in a very long time (well, apart from making love). And when I leave, I am so awake and my body feels so good and energized. So why is there resistance? Who knows! It’s as if whenever you are trying to do something that is actually GOOD for yourself, resistance kicks in and tries to convince you otherwise.

Resistance is not my word for it. I was reading this book I got for my birthday called “the War of Art” by Steven Pressfield, and he is the one that calls it that. I didn’t always have a name for it, but I have always felt it pulling me down and making excuses for me to bail out on things that should be good for me.

Anyway, after two days of working out but not really eating right, I have gained weight. The exercise is supposed to help me lose it! So why the heck have I been eating like crazy?? I guess I am a bit hungrier in general from working out, but that is not an excuse for eating fatty food when i’m hungry. It’s self-sabotage really. As if my brain said, “What? You’re doing something good for yourself that might boost your self esteem and weight loss?? Hmm… how can I sabotage these efforts? I know! I’ll convince you that since you’re working out and being good, you can cheat a little on the food part and the exercise will make up for it. Hahahaha.” And so here I am, a pound heavier than I was last week despite my exercising efforts. I have two days till weigh-in so you know what that means. Super good on the food from here on out. Hopefully tomorrow morning the scales will be back down. Here’s hoping.