Episode 8: They’ve Always Been Watching You
Back to: A Mirror of Shadows
The mess hall was half-empty, filled with the scent of burnt coffee and cinnamon. Crystals along the ceiling flickered weakly, casting everything in shades of gray.
Calli slid a tray across the table and sat down across from me. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
I stabbed at the strange yellow fruit on my plate. “Could you sleep? After what happened with the Regent?”
I kept my voice low, glancing around. I’d felt eyes on me ever since the threat on my life. A pair of Sentinels stood near the exit, not eating, not talking. Just watching.
Were they here for me? As if my situation here weren’t terrifying or complicated enough.
She smirked, dunking her bread into honey. “I’m way less interested in what happened with her.”
My throat tightened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Uh-huh.” She leaned forward, elbows on the table. “That’s exactly the kind of thing someone says when they know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ve known Slate for years now. He’s never shown the slightest hint of emotion. Not until yesterday.”
I avoided her gaze, my foot jumping under the table. “He’s just worried about whether I’m cut out for this. I’m an obvious liability to everyone here.”
“You are not a liability. You are a weapon. You just need to learn how to aim it,” she said. “But that’s not why Slate looks at you the way he does. And the way literal sparks flew between you just before the Regent arrived? I’m telling you the air was so thick, I could hardly breathe. There’s something you’re not telling me.”
I glared at her, but she only grinned wider. Calli had the kind of grin that could convince you to be her accomplice to a crime and then make you think it was your idea.
“How can you be thinking about something like that when the Games are just a little more than a week away? I can’t even sleep, eat, or dream about anything else. What if I get everyone killed? What if we all die out there?”
Something in my tone must have gotten through, because instead of teasing me or cracking another joke, her expression softened.
“Listen, we are going to win this first set of Games, no problem. Our team is strong, and we can win this. Even if we have to carry you through the whole thing. Not that we will, but we could. However, I’m going to need you to figure your ish out before the main Shadow Games. Those are much more dangerous.”
I groaned. I didn’t even know how long we’d have between these games and the next. Would it be enough?
“I’m glad you’re feeling confident about it, but what happens when we end up in a situation where each person has to carry out a task alone for us to win? Or if I end up separated from the group and can’t finish my task because I’m too weak? We don’t have enough time for me to figure this out, and we have no idea what kind of Game they’ll throw at us.”
“Trust me when I say that any team, even the strongest, most prepared team of all time, could die in that arena,” she said, her expression distant for the briefest moment. “Once we step into the Games, the actual odds are out of our hands. Live or die, we’ll give it our all, but if we decide right now that we can’t do it, we’re already dead. We have to try, and you’re part of my team, so I have to trust that you can do this. We still have time for a miracle.”
Her words took some of the stress off my heart, but I couldn’t find that level of confidence yet. I was determined to prove myself and get the Regent off my back, and I had no doubt Slate was preparing to push me as hard as humanly possible today and for the next two weeks.
Still, I was scared.
Calli slid a small crystal across the table, its pure pink surface shimmering faintly. “For luck,” she said. “Crows love to carry something shiny when we fly into danger.”
I turned it over in my hand. “You sure you don’t need it more than I do?”
“These days, I make my own luck,” she said with a wink. “You, on the other hand, could use a little protection. Besides, this stone has kept me safe even in the most dangerous situation of my life. It will keep you safe, too. I’m sure of it.”
“Thank you,” I said, truly touched by the gesture. I had nothing of my own in this place. Just the dragonfly pendant, which seemed to be causing more harm than good, and the uniforms they’d assigned to me when I got to the training sessions.
But this was mine, and I was instantly in love with it.
“I’ll give it back to you after we win.”
“That one’s yours forever,” she said, smiling as mischief filled her blue eyes. “We’ll help you learn control, Bex. But in the meantime, it might be helpful to tell me what’s going on with you and our fearless leader. Maybe I can help with that, too. Or at least it might help not to carry all that worry alone.”
I didn’t want to carry this alone, but I wasn’t sure I could trust anyone with the truth. I liked Calli, but I’d loved Maggie. And she still betrayed me after years of friendship.
For all I knew, Calli was planted in our group by the Regent to spy on Slate or me or someone else. I couldn’t really trust anyone but myself.
But still. Maybe she could help if she knew how it was affecting me.
I pressed my palm against the mark.
“Whatever it is between us, it’s making everything harder. Even just thinking of him makes my magic go wild. It’s uncontrollable.”
Calli tilted her head, studying me with that witch’s intuition of hers. “You ever think maybe that’s your superpower?”
Before I could ask what she meant, the bell sounded. A deep, resonant tone that vibrated through the floor.
Calli groaned, tipping back her cup to drain it. “And so begins another day in paradise.”
We joined the stream of trainees moving toward the arenas. Five teams, all technically fighting for the Amethyst Shard. In less than two weeks, we’d be opponents, fighting to the death in the Games.
The air felt heavier than usual today. Maybe because the reality of my situation was finally sinking in after the initial shock of being trapped here. I’d been on the edge of death for weeks now, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
But what choice did I have?
I couldn’t exactly curl up in bed and refuse to come out. I couldn’t fall apart, either. The only choice I had was to face this with as much strength and courage as I could.
And that meant finding a way to control this power. For the sake of my team, if nothing else.
Slate was waiting for us in the center of the ring, arms folded behind his back.
His expression was carved from stone. The others slowed automatically, instinctively wary.
“Get in formation,” he said, glancing at me and holding my gaze a beat longer than was comfortable.
His expression took my breath away, and I wanted to strangle him for it. How was I supposed to control my magic with him staring at me like that?
Calli nudged me after he finally looked away. “Told you. You’re the only one he does that with.”
Being the only person he gave the stare of death to didn’t exactly feel like a benefit.
“The Games are less than two weeks away,” he said. “From this point on, every session will mirror the real thing. No more basic drills. No more handholding. It’s time to work as a team, so you’ll be tested on your ability to work together and make a plan in an instant. Use your individual strengths, but make sure it works for the whole team in the context of the challenge.”
He lifted his hand, and the arena shifted beneath our feet. Platforms rose over jagged spikes, and metal bridges snapped into place as a labyrinth of twisting pathways formed above us.
A gust of cold air swept through the arena, carrying a faint whisper that made the hairs on the back of my neck rise.
“The objective,” Slate said, “is to capture the banner. If you fall to the ground, you just died in the Games. Treat this as your first round.”
Calli muttered under her breath. “Forever a motivational speaker.”
Amusement tugged at my mouth, but it vanished when the ground beneath me trembled again. Shadows uncoiled from each platform and the surface of each bridge, forming into humanoid figures with no faces and long, clawed arms.
They didn’t wait for a signal.
They attacked.
Orion was the first to move, his magic forming into a translucent shield that curved in front of us like a rippling veil. Elara spun to the side, slicing through a construct with a whip of blood-red energy that turned to steam as it struck.
When Orion dropped the shield, Brim’s magic hit like a hammer. He drove his fist into the ground, and the floor cracked upward in a jagged line of stone spikes.
“The banner’s on the center platform,” Calli yelled. “Follow me.”
Calli shifted into her crow form and led us through the maze of platforms and bridges, Brim taking out any shadow figures we reached along the way.
At the back of the group, I did my best to stay light on my feet. As long as I didn’t fall, everything would work out.
Except that the second I stepped onto the bridge behind Elara, it twisted, shifting sideways. I stumbled, barely catching myself.
“Focus, Bex.” Slate’s voice cut through the chaos. “Anticipate the challenges. Anything could be a trap. The ground beneath you can shift in an instant. Even if someone else just safely crossed a bridge, it can destabilize at any moment. A new construct could spawn right in front of you or directly behind you. The Games are unpredictable at every turn. Especially when you think you’re winning.”
The mark under my skin pulsed, responding to his tone like a command. I didn’t let it rattle me, though. Instead, I listened, trying my best to learn.
The first try through the banner challenge, we won. Not a single death or fall, either, which felt like a major triumph.
Slate shifted the arena multiple times throughout the day, showing us tactics for how to communicate and how to navigate different types of challenges. Not every attempt was a win, but we were learning.
As for my magic, though, I was still struggling to get control of it. Sometimes, it was erratic and difficult to control. Other times, it was elusive and impossible to connect to.
Everyone else seemed to be comfortable with their abilities, but I still didn’t even fully understand what my abilities were.
Elara had said the Order purposefully hides the true power of their witches to keep them loyal, but I was wondering if there was more to it than that.
Sometimes, when I was particularly focused, I could feel something new reaching for the surface of my power. And sometimes, when I was pushed to the edge, shadows had appeared on my hands. That was definitely not normal.
But I didn’t have time to figure it out right now. I needed to stay focused and try to keep my heart rate calm, so I could control my magic as much as possible.
We were running the banner challenge again when one of the constructs leapt in front of me, claws outstretched. I reacted on instinct, throwing up my hands. Light erupted from my palms in a blinding arc that ripped through the creature and shattered part of the bridge in the process.
The bridge shuddered and shifted sideways under my boots. I jumped and caught the next platform by my fingertips, hauling myself up, breath burning.
Dang it. There was too much to focus on all at once, and I’d lost control. At least I hadn’t fallen.
Slate’s voice echoed from somewhere above. “Anticipate,” Slate called. “If the arena shifts, you move with it.”
I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to my feet, but my power was still surging through me. Every time I tried to channel it, it doubled back on me.
We were finally finding a rhythm as a team, too. Or something that resembled one. And I was the one messing it up.
Orion anchored us with his shields while Elara struck in bursts of crimson light, each motion deliberate and vicious. Calli swooped low, her magic shimmering as she distracted two of the shadow-people long enough for Brim to crush them into dust.
For a moment, I thought that despite my mess up, we were going to win this one for sure.
“Banner in sight,” Calli shouted as she shifted back to her human form and darted toward the glowing flag on the highest platform.
“Cover her.” Slate’s voice echoed across the ring.
The others were still fighting a group of shadows on a lower platform, so I was the only one close enough to protect her. I gathered my power, watching for any sign of danger or shift in the course.
That’s when a construct suddenly materialized in front of the banner. It was larger than the rest, its claws dragging sparks as it lunged for Calli. She twisted away from its swing, laughing breathlessly.
Three more constructs advanced on Calli’s flank, and I lifted my hand, ready to fire. I was focused, connected to my core. I was ready for this.
Then something shifted.
Shadows bled from my hands, twisting like smoke around me. The same kind I’d seen that day in the scarf challenge, only stronger. Thicker.
My breath caught. The more I tried to push them back, the faster they multiplied, curling up my arms, whispering against my skin. The magical energy inside my core amplified, running through me like lightning in my veins. I couldn’t stop it.
“Bex.” Calli’s voice jolted me. “I need you right about now.”
“I can’t,” I shouted. “Something’s happening to me, Calli. You’ve got to move. Leave the banner.”
I screamed as the power tore through me. I held it for as long as I could, but suddenly a bright light detonated outward in a burst of heat.
“Calli!”
Before she could shift, Brim was there. He vaulted across the gap and pulled her into his arms, shielding her body just as the blast reached them. The sound of shattering stone echoed through the arena.
The constructs disintegrated, but so did most of the platform. With Calli locked in his embrace, they both fell.
My eyes widened, and a strangled sob escaped my throat.
What have I done?
Shocked, I ran after them as they landed in a cloud of dust.
Was Calli okay? Had I hurt her?
Brim dropped to one knee, the veins in his arm turning gray and rigid, cracks creeping up toward his shoulder in jagged fractures.
When he opened his arms, Calli flew out of them, alive.
I nearly fell to the ground in gratitude. I could have killed her. What the hell happened to me? Why did my power keep fluctuating?
She shifted and stumbled back to him, coughing. “Brim.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
When she nodded, he pushed himself up with a growl, dust falling from his shoulders.
“I’ve kept my silence for the sake of the group, but today, it has gone too far,” he said, turning in my direction. His voice shook with fury. “This witch is too reckless. Too unpredictable. She doesn’t belong in this group, and I want her gone.”
If looks could kill, I would have died in an instant.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my body shaking with fear and the aftershocks of a power that threatened to consume me. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Slate should let the Regent deal with you,” he said. “Or haven’t you ruined enough lives already?”
The words hit harder than the blast.
There was something personal in the way he said ruined. Something with my name on it long before today.
I knew Brim was holding something against me, but I didn’t know he wanted me dead. Is this how they all felt?
The constructs evaporated, dissolving into violet mist. Platforms sank, the arena returning to its default state as Slate stepped between us, his shadow falling across the cracked floor.
“We’re done for the day.”
“But—” Calli started.
“I said we’re done,” he snapped. The sound of it made even Elara flinch. He looked at Brim next. “Have Lavender see to your injuries.”
Brim glared at him. “You should worry less about me and more about your witch before she kills us all.”
“Watch your tone,” Slate warned, low and dangerous.
Brim met his stare without flinching. “You want us to fight as a unit. She’s the weak link. We can’t win with someone who doesn’t even know what she is.”
The words sliced deeper than I wanted to admit. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
I didn’t even know what to defend. My magic? My intentions? My right to be here? I couldn’t defend any of that. I obviously didn’t belong in this group, and I still didn’t understand why I’d been put here.
Slate’s jaw tightened. “All of you, dismissed.”
He turned before I could see his face.
“Orion,” he said, and the tall wizard nodded.
Slate didn’t say a word to me. He just walked toward the far archway and vanished into the corridor.
Calli lingered. “It’s not your fault,” she said, though the look in her eyes told me she wasn’t sure. “You’re not weak, Bex. You just… feel everything too much. That’s not a bad thing.”
“It is when it gets people hurt. I’m sorry.”
Calli squeezed my shoulder before following Brim toward the exit. Elara went next, her expression unreadable.
Orion stepped up next to me, placing his hands in a prayer-like position in front of his chest.
“Take a break. Get something to eat and still your nerves for a few minutes,” he said. “And then meet me back here at dusk.”
“Tonight? Why?”
He smiled. “Because I am going to teach you how to control your power before it destroys the whole Shard.”
Later that night, I almost didn’t go.
Getting better fast enough didn’t seem possible, and part of me wanted to give up. Beg them to send me to do whatever work those who failed the scarf challenge were assigned to.
But what kind of life would that be? With no opportunity for freedom? No chance of understanding what was really behind all of this?
When I finally made my way down to the arena, Orion was already there, sitting cross-legged in the center of the ring like a statue carved from marble. A circle of chalky sigils surrounded him, glowing faintly.
“Sit,” he said, without looking up. “And breathe.”
I lowered myself opposite him, my knees aching. “My nerves are so wound up, I’m not even sure I can do that.”
His lips curved. “You can do so much more than you ever imagined. But start with a deep breath.”
He guided me through it. Slow inhales that filled the base of my lungs, exhales timed to the steady beat of my heart. When I reached for my magic, it didn’t lash out this time. It trembled, but it obeyed.
“Your power is like water,” he murmured. “It doesn’t obey force. It obeys rhythm. Let your pulse lead, not your will.”
He took me through several simple exercises, each time starting with my breath and then tapping into my core of power, letting it flow through me without overwhelming me.
When I lost focus, he reminded me quietly, “Control isn’t about restraint. It’s about harmony.”
By the end of the hour, my palms were sweating, but for the first time in days, the energy building inside my core didn’t scare me.
“Practice this every waking moment until you master it,” he said. “Meet me just outside your room tomorrow before dawn.”
The next morning, he took me to a private room instead of the arena. I didn’t like being separated from the rest of the group, but it wasn’t up to me at this point. Besides, I wasn’t sure I could face Brim.
Inside the room, there were two crystal bowls filled with liquid light.
“We trained with these in the Veil,” he said, setting them between us. “Hold one. Keep the surface still, no matter what happens.”
When I lifted the bowl, the glow inside rippled wildly, responding to every heartbeat.
“You’re using your mind to control it, and your mind is in a state of panic and confusion,” he said. “Feel into the spaces between your thoughts. That’s where the current steadies.”
I tried and failed. Tried again. The more I focused, the faster the shadows came, trying to tear me apart.
Orion left me there to practice on my own as he joined the others in the arena. Would I ever get back there?
I took Calli’s pink crystal out of my pocket and set it down on the floor in front of me, reminding myself that when things got difficult, there was a team out there waiting for me to come back stronger.
When I asked about them later that night, Orion told me to focus.
“When your mind wanders to anything other than the task at hand, you become vulnerable. Try it again.”
When I finally managed to hold the bowl steady for a full breath, he gave a faint nod.
“Good,” he said. “Hold it longer next time.”
By the third day, my shadows no longer came screaming to life every time I reached for magic. They hovered at the edges instead, watchful and contained.
“You’re learning,” Orion said when he returned from training, watching as I held both bowls of light steady between my palms. “The shadows aren’t fighting you anymore.”
“They’re still there,” I whispered. “I can feel them watching me.”
“They’ve always been watching you,” he said. “But now they are listening, too.”
The thought sent a shiver through me. “Why do I have them? That’s not normal for a human witch. I know that much. The only time I ever saw someone with shadows like that—”
As thoughts of that knife sliding across my mother’s throat came to mind, the light inside the bowls began to boil.
Orion removed them before the magic became truly violent.
He hesitated for a moment before he spoke.
“In the Veil, I trained those who carried two magics in one body. Light and dark. Most didn’t survive the imbalance.”
I looked up sharply. “Is that what’s happening to me? Two different types of magic? How is that possible?”
I thought of what Lavender had said about the darkness inside this place and how eventually, you had no choice but to become it.
But I’d only been here for a few weeks. Why was it affecting me so much more than the others?
“What do you know about your father?”
I inhaled, going cold.
“Nothing,” I said in a whisper. “My mother refused to speak of him.”
Orion nodded, thinking.
“And your mother? She was a witch?”
I nodded.
‘Are you certain that’s all she was?” he asked.
A tear escaped down my cheek, and I swiped it away.
“No.”
Her words came back in a rush.
Your lives are worth a dozen of mine, she’d said a thousand times. All of this means nothing if you don’t survive.
I always thought she said those things because she loved us. But what if there was more to it?
Orion placed a fingertip under my chin and lifted my face to his. “You, my dear girl, are very special. And while it is true that this place—this Shard prison we’re trapped inside—is full of horrors, it is also your destiny. I think everyone around you knows that in some way, whether they want to admit it or not.”
The weight of his words lingered long after he left.
My destiny? If that was true, I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of it.
Later that night, I couldn’t sleep.
It had been days since I’d spoken to Calli and the rest of the team. What would happen to me if I couldn’t master this in time? Was Slate planning to hand me over to the Regent?
I’d felt her Sentinel’s eyes on me everywhere I turned, and I wondered if she had ways of watching us through the mirrors in our rooms. Or through the crystals themselves.
After an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to make use of the time instead.
I slipped out barefoot, moving silently through the barracks until I reached the team training ring.
The arena was dark except for faint threads of violet light coiling beneath the floor.
I stood in the center, breathing the way Orion had taught me. Slow. Deep. Letting the current move with me instead of against me.
When I raised my hand, steady light streamed from my fingertips. I aimed for the first focus crystal, then took a deep breath as I split the light into several threads, sending it to the next crystal in the line.
For the first time, it felt easy.
I smiled. “See? I can do this.”
But then the light of my magic wavered, shifting to the rhythm of a different heartbeat. I gasped, feeling his presence well before I heard him.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
Slate stepped out of the darkness, silver eyes catching the faint glow from the floor. He looked composed, but the energy rolling off him was anything but calm.
“See, I’ve been telling people that since the day I got here, but no one seems to want to send me home,” I said, trying to make a joke even though my heart was racing out of control.
He moved closer, the light from below casting shadows all around us.
Something clicked high among the platforms. Like a fingernail on glass. I shivered, searching in the darkness for watchful eyes.
“Why did you tell me you knew Sabine?” he asked, startling me and causing my mouth to go dry as a desert.
Lavender must have told him about our conversation, which meant they trusted each other. Shared information.
“I didn’t,” I said.
“You let me believe she sent you here on purpose. Why didn’t you speak up?”
“Maybe she did,” I said. When he narrowed his eyes, I sighed. “I wasn’t ready to die, okay? And it seemed like that information held some kind of power over you. Like you were afraid of her. I decided to use that to my advantage.”
The edges of his eyes tensed slightly, amused.
“Smart but reckless.”
“Surprisingly, not the first time I’ve heard that in my life.”
He almost smiled then, causing my heart to flutter against my will. Were we having an actual conversation here? Like real people?
“Who is she, then? And why did she give me this?” I asked, touching the pendant dangling from my neck.
“That’s complicated, and we’re too exposed out here,” he said, glancing behind him. “I owe her a favor, and that dragonfly is the sign that my bill has come due.”
I swallowed back regret and disappointment.
“She forced you to put me on your team. That’s why I’m here, when no one else thinks I should be, right? You think I’m a charity case.”
“I think you don’t understand what you are.”
“Maybe that’s true for both of us,” I said, breathless. “Tell me what I am. What you are. Tell me why our magic reacts like this when we’re close. When we touch. Why did this woman I’ve never met save me from certain death and put me here with you, instead?”
He hesitated, the muscle in his jaw working.
“I can’t tell you that,” he said finally. “Because I don’t understand it myself.”
Silence stretched between us, charged and fragile. The mark on my chest flared, a spark of gold threading the air.
“The Regent wants me to break you,” he said, stepping closer.
My breath hitched, fear mixing with desire.
“Is that what you want?”
“No.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m trying to keep you from breaking everything else.”
The words stole the air from my lungs as he closed the distance between us. We were only inches apart now, and his presence was magnetic. Dangerous. Pulling me in with a power that was impossible to deny.
“I can handle myself,” I said, though my voice trembled.
He reached out, stopping just short of touching my arm. “Can you?”
The mark between us flared bright gold, burning through the thin fabric of my shirt. The light hit his chest, and for an instant, I saw it again. The faint pattern of runes glowing just beneath his skin.
He stepped back sharply, and as quickly as it came, it vanished.
Somewhere nearby, a sound echoed in the darkness.
“Go,” he said, his voice rough. Anger tensing every muscle. “You’re not the only one the Regent wants under her control.”
The air vibrated between us, thick with all the things neither of us could say. I wanted to stay here with him. To get more answers. To be close to him.
But someone was out there watching us.
I ran, my steps little more than whispers in the night. No matter how fast I moved, it felt like someone was right there behind me.
The crystals in the walls pulsed faintly, throwing restless light that made every shadow twitch. When I got to my room, I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, exhaling hard.
But something felt off.
The air was colder than before. Disturbed in a way I couldn’t put words to.
I crossed to the small table where I kept my few belongings. Folded uniforms. My night clothes. A comb.
And the tiny pink crystal Calli had given me for luck.
It wasn’t where I left it.
Instead, the crystal sat in the center of the table now, its surface dull and gray. I reached for it, but set it down immediately. It was icy to the touch. A single hairline fracture ran through the middle.
Someone had been here.
I turned in a slow circle, scanning the crystal walls. My reflection stared back from the mirror, wide-eyed as the space behind me rippled.
For a heartbeat, another figure appeared in the reflection. Tall. Still. Watching.
I spun around, but there was nothing. No one.
Only the constant vibration of the Shard’s magic under my feet.
Someone had been in my room.
Someone was watching me.
And I had the sudden, terrifying thought that if the Regent wanted me gone, she would not wait for the Games to make it happen.