Goodbye Long Weekend

How sad when a long weekend with someone you love is over. G took Thursday and Friday off work so combined with Memorial Day off, we had five straight days together. Doesn’t it always seem after a vacation that you didn’t make the most of it? That it went by too fast? It always goes by too fast. I love spending time with G, and I hope and pray that someday soon we can figure out a great way to make money spending time together so we can just do that all the time.

The sun, the pool opening, the smell of the barbecues in the neighborhood… all of these signs point to summer just around the corner and one year for me living with G and not teaching. I definitely thought I would have more done by now and I am itching to get some results from myself. I think I am pretty much going to have to resort to forcing myself to be busy and get things done. George Elliot once said “It’s never too late to become the person you might have been.” I hope that is true.

I want to say that it starts today. Today I start to really focus on who I want to be and how I am going to get there. Today I stop being depressed about my past and all of the mistakes I’ve made. Today I feel good about myself and stop whispering horrible things in my own ear. Today is the day. Usually, however, the energy that made me proclaim this glorious day of victory just has no staying power and by mid-day I am feeling low again and unable to carry on. The depression sets in, the mood grows dark and all I want to do is go to bed or curl up and watch a movie. Deep inside, I am so ready for change. I am ready to become the person I might have been. Maybe today will be different.