Episode 12: Do I Terrify You?
Back to: A Mirror of Shadows
As the scoreboard locked and the labyrinth disappeared into dust, the four teams stepped forward and the arena stilled. Waiting.
Silence rolled through the stands like a living thing, sharp and heavy, pressing down on every breath. Even the false sun overhead dimmed a fraction, as if the Shard itself were bracing for the inevitable.
Adisa lifted her hands toward the Regent’s platform.
“Present the Condemned.”
The two losing teams were dragged forward by Sentinels in gleaming amethyst armor. One team still had all five members, but one was down to just three. Two must have been killed inside the maze.
As they were brought forward, my stomach twisted. The third-place team had lost by seconds because of us. I couldn’t forget that as they begged for their lives.
I prayed for mercy. It was me she wanted dead, not them. Surely she would let them live.
The Regent rose from her throne, crown glinting beneath the violet lights. She lifted it from her head with a kind of casual elegance that made my skin crawl.
The air trembled around us, electric with the energy of anticipation.
The center jewel of her crown expanded, its delicate structure unfolding like a dark flower, pulsing with light. Elara sucked in a breath beside me.
Calli shook her head. “I can’t believe this,” she whispered. “She hasn’t done this in years.”
Orion and Brim both bowed their heads, but I couldn’t look away.
The Regent held the crown in front of her body and began to chant, though the words were difficult to hear. Behind her, the crowd shifted uncomfortably, their cheers replaced by horror.
The losing Condemned were lifted off the ground, their bodies arching as invisible bindings snapped around their limbs and throats. One man screamed, and the sound echoed off the crystal walls like shattering glass.
The Regent extended her hand, and the gemstone on her crown ignited with light.
Streams of violet power tore upward from the Condemned, ripping straight through their chests like threads unraveling from fabric. This was exactly like the magic of the soul stones I’d seen before, but different. More violent.
The stone wasn’t just siphoning their magic. It was taking everything.
Even their skin shriveled and turned to dust before our eyes.
When the crown snapped shut again, only bones and scraps of clothing fell to the arena floor.
Ash and dust drifted through the air, and Calli pressed a hand over her mouth.
Brim stood frozen, fists clenched so tight his knuckles cracked.
Across the arena, Slate didn’t move. Not even to blink or to look our way. If I didn’t know him at all, I’d say he must have felt nothing watching the deaths of those Condemned, but I could see how hard he fought to hold back his emotions.
And I knew.
He’d seen this before.
He’d suffered through this many times. He’d probably watched it happen to people he cared about or had sworn to protect.
And because of the way this place worked and the loyalty the Regent demanded, he’d carried that alone. I could feel the sorrow and the loneliness he’d carried inside for so long. It was heavy, like an ache in my chest, and despite the emotionless, hard expression carved on his face, I knew it came from him.
The Regent placed the crown back onto her head and turned toward our section. I saw no sign of cameras, but the magical screens circling the arena caught every shift of her expression as she transitioned from rage to ecstasy, finally landing on determination as her gaze found me.
Her thin smile was a threat. A promise.
My heart thundered in my chest, and I struggled to catch my breath. Winning today meant survival, but for how much longer? Every day that I lived made her hate me more, and in this place, she seemed to be the final judge.
Which meant I was marked for death the moment she’d set eyes on me.
At my side, Calli touched my elbow.
“Come on,” she whispered. “We need to get out of here.”
Slate finally turned, dark eyes sweeping across us as if he was taking inventory of damage. Emotional. Physical. Magical.
His eyes met mine, and he jerked his chin toward the lower exit.
A command that sent relief through my body, even as my legs threatened to give way beneath me.
I wasn’t about to stay here any longer than I had to under the gaze of a crown that had just devoured eight souls without hesitation.
What exactly was that magic? I’d watched soul stones at work before, but they’d never been able to suck the life out of a body from that distance, much less decimate eight people all at once.
I’d known the Regent was powerful, but I hadn’t understood the full extent of her threat until today.
And what if that wasn’t even the full extent of it? What if that was still just a precursor to what she was capable of?
As a team, we followed Slate down the steps and into the shadows beneath the arena.
But I could still feel the Regent’s eyes on my back.
Burning. Tracking. Watching every move through the magic of the crystals.
No one spoke as Slate led us down the narrow stairwell and through the maze of corridors leading back to the training grounds.
We entered the familiar area, but instead of stopping there, he paused, his neck turning once to look behind us before he motioned to the thick wall of solid amethyst at the back of the ring. My eyes widened as a door slid open, revealing an oval chamber carved into the wall’s core.
Calli and I exchanged glances as we followed him inside. The moment the door hissed shut behind us, Slate turned, fury etched across his forehead.
“Explain.”
One word. A command wrapped in steel.
Calli spoke first. “We got second place, and we survived. We’ll do better in the final round.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Slate’s voice cut through her sentence like a blade. His gaze locked onto me. “Why did you break formation?”
Heat surged into my cheeks. My heart hammered in my chest.
“We were running out of time,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “If I hadn’t split off, this group would be a pile of bones on the arena floor.”
“She disobeyed a direct order,” Brim growled. “Like always.”
My jaw tightened. “It was a stupid order.”
Slate’s eyes flashed, and he took two steps toward me. “You nearly got yourself killed. Again,” he said. “You’re reckless and irresponsible.”
Something inside me snapped, and my voice rose before I could stop it. “I saved us out there today.”
Brim let out a harsh laugh. “You saved yourself and abandoned your partner.”
I spun toward him. “I used the only advantage we had left to get us points—points we desperately needed!”
“You went rogue,” he snarled. “Again.”
“Did you see what the Regent did to those other teams? Would you rather have shared that fate? We were losing. I had no choice.”
Slate’s voice dropped, dangerous. “There is always a choice.”
“No, there isn’t.” The words ripped out of me like something breaking loose. “Not for people like me. I’ve never had a choice. Not when I was watching my mother die. Not when the Order took me in. Not when they tried to murder me for wanting to leave. And sure as hell not when the Regent wants me dead. From the minute I was born, I’ve had to do whatever it takes to survive. Out of everyone in the world, I would have expected all of you to understand that.”
The room fell silent.
Brim stood there, fists trembling at his side. “Quite the victim, aren’t you?”
The tone of his voice twisted my insides and brought flames of rage burning up through my throat.
“What?” I screamed. “What did I ever do to you, Brimstone? And you better tell me this time, because for a split second inside that maze, I thought you were going to kill me. And I think that if we were further ahead in points, you might have done it. I think you wanted it.”
I got right up in his face, so done with his hatred and disdain. He’d been carrying it since the scarf trial, and I wasn’t going to let him hide it any longer.
Calli whispered his name, but Brim shook her off, finally dropping his onyx eyes to mine.
“You want the truth?” Pain roughened his voice.
“If you want me dead, you need to tell me why.”
The room went silent around us, waiting for him to speak.
“I grew up in the Rockies,” he said. “Middle of nowhere. My family lived quietly. Off the grid. Hunting, growing food, staying out of trouble. No magic. No priestesses. No nightmares.”
His hands curled into fists.
“It took decades for us to escape the oppression of the gargoyle kingdom. As you are probably well aware, Shadow Demon hybrids can be tricky. Forbidden in certain kingdoms.”
My stomach twisted. I knew nothing of Shadow Demon hybrids. Who did he think I was?
“One night about five years ago,” he continued, “someone broke into our cabin. A girl. Small. Fast. She made almost no sound as she walked through our house, invisible to everyone else. But I saw her.”
He looked directly at me then, and I knew. He’d seen me in his house, the same way he’d been able to see me in the scarf trial.
“She took something from our family that night. A small diamond artifact that had been masking our magic. The one thing that had kept us safe and untrackable for all those years.”
The blood drained from my face.
“We tried to run, but without that diamond, the Council found us easily.”
Slate’s head jerked slightly at that, but he stayed silent.
“In the end, my father begged for his life. For all our lives,” Brim said, his lower lip trembling. “I had a little sister. Moriah. The Council killed her first.”
Brim choked on a breath.
“My mother died next, her screams etched into my soul for the rest of my life. And my father? He was the strongest man I’d ever known. And I watched his body broken into pieces. Ground into dust to be used in spells.”
I felt myself shrinking under the weight of his stare. I didn’t want this to be true.
“They killed them,” he said, voice cracking. “And I begged them to kill me, too. But the Order of Shadows wanted payment for helping them locate us after all this time. They wanted me.”
His gaze locked onto mine, raw and burning.
“I fought back as hard as I could, but I wasn’t strong enough. So they tortured me for years, experimenting on my body. Testing my hybrid abilities before they finally decided they were done with me and sent me here to die,” he said. “So imagine how I felt when I looked up and there she was. The girl who’d stolen our only protection and sentenced my family to torture and death.”
His body trembled with rage even as a black tear fell down his left cheek.
“You,” he whispered. “That girl was you.”
His words stole the breath from lungs and shattered my heart.
How could this be true? How could I have done something so horrible?
“I didn’t know,” I croaked, struggling to find my voice. “The Order never told me why they wanted something. I never got any details about it. They’d just show up with a job, and everyone in the house knew the consequences if we didn’t do what they asked.”
Tears stung the corners of my eyes.
“But you’re right. All those years, I only thought of my survival,” I said. “I knew the things they were asking us to do were bad, but I was too scared to refuse them. They started sending me on those kinds of jobs when I was just a kid with no family and nowhere to go. And all I thought about was making it through one more job. One more year. Hoping someday I’d be free to make my own way in life. But I thought I had no choice at all, and you’re right. It’s because I was only thinking of myself and the consequences to my own life. I never thought about yours.”
I fell to my knees before him, head bowed as my entire body shook with sobs.
“I’m so sorry, Brim. I should have refused to do it. I should have ended it all those years ago, because you’re right. I wasn’t doing it to protect my family. I don’t even have a family anymore. I did it to protect myself.”
Brim stepped closer, towering and trembling. I wondered if he was going to strike me, but instead, he lowered himself to his knees, too, getting as close to my level as he could.
“I wanted to kill you today,” he said softly. “In that maze? When I saw you alone? I almost did it. The Regent commanded me to do it. Threatened my life if I didn’t.”
My head whipped up in surprise. The Regent?
“I told myself that ending you would balance the scales. That revenge would make all the suffering here worth it. I thought maybe it would earn me my freedom.”
My pulse thundered as I replayed the look in his eyes earlier, when he’d seemed to be so at war within himself.
“Why didn’t you do it, Brim? She’ll come after you now.”
Brim reached toward me, gentle but firm as his large hands gripped my shoulders.
“Because I realized that if I followed through on the Regent’s orders, then I’d be doing the same thing I hated you for doing all those years ago. I saw for the first time that you weren’t some monster trying to hurt my family. You were a kid doing what she had to do to survive.”
His voice broke.
“Just like me.”
Something inside my chest cracked open.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “If I could go back—”
“We can’t go back, Bex. But we can live with honor now. We can fight against the real enemy, even if it means we die in the process.”
Brim stood, helping me up as he locked eyes with Slate.
“I do not know your loyalties, so I understand if you must tell the Regent—”
“The Regent will hear nothing of this from me,” Slate said.
Calli wiped beneath her eyes and stepped forward to take Brim’s hand. “I had no idea you’d been through so much.”
Orion joined us, gently touching my arm. “We all have been through more loss and pain than anyone deserves, but we are still here. And I will fight with you all until the end.”
Elara stepped forward, eyebrows raised. “Getting revenge will be so much fun,” she said. “Now I can stop holding back.”
“My dear Elara, if you have been holding back, I feel sorry for the person you decide to unleash on,” Orion said. “But either way, I’m glad to know we are all finally on the same page.”
But were we? Slate said he wouldn’t tell the Regent what happened here, but was he really on our side? Could we trust him? Or would Sentinels march us to the dungeons as soon as we left this room?
What we were talking about here was rebellion.
If he’d really been here as long as everyone believed, he surely felt some loyalty to the Regent? To the Shard itself?? Why else would he have stayed after winning the Games so many times?
When he finally spoke, his voice was low.
“Trust is not a simple thing in the Shard,” he said. “I may be powerful, and it may look like I have rank and authority, but I am a prisoner here, the same as you. And I have seen betrayal that would break your soul into pieces.”
He paused, as if remembering something painful from the past, but like always, he closed it off. Pushed it down so that it couldn’t hurt him.
“This is why we don’t go rogue or disobey orders,” he said, eyes cutting toward me. “You want to survive as a team long enough to make a difference here in the Shard? Then from this moment forward, you agree to have each other’s backs at all times. To never go off on your own, even if you think it’s in the best interest of the group. Even if the Regent threatened you with torture and death. Because without trust, there is no team. Do you understand me?”
I opened my mouth to defend myself, but Slate raised a hand.
“Enough for today.”
He exhaled slowly.
“We will regroup tomorrow, but for now, rest. Eat. You’ve earned it.”
“And what about the Regent?” Brim asked. “What if she comes for me tonight?”
He turned away from us, but his voice held an edge that wasn’t anger anymore.
Something closer to fear.
“I will deal with the Regent myself,” he said, pausing at the entrance before stepping through, leaving us in the room alone.
The door hissed shut behind Slate, and for a moment, no one moved.
The chamber felt smaller without him in it. Too full of the things we’d just said out loud.
Rebellion. Trust. Honor. All the dangerous words you weren’t supposed to say in a place like this.
“Well,” Calli said, blowing out a breath. “That went better than it could have. No one’s dead at least.”
Elara snorted softly. “Not on our team,” she said. “But yes, I am surprised to find Slate’s relationship with the Regent less loyal than I once believed.”
“If he can be trusted,” Brim said. “I have my doubts. We need to be careful.”
Orion offered me a hand, and I took it, my legs still shaky. Brim stayed close enough that I could feel his presence, but not so close that we touched.
We were something new now. Not quite enemies. Not quite friends.
Something in between, where we understood each other’s pain.
“We should eat,” Orion said gently. “If Slate is not to be trusted and the Sentinels do come for us, I’d rather not face it hungry.”
“Comforting,” Elara muttered, but she nodded toward the door. “Come on, little stars. Before Slate changes his mind and decides more training will help.”
We filed out together, moving as a unit this time. Not because Slate told us to, but because we wanted to.
The mess hall was quieter than usual. Most of the other Condemned had already finished, the echo of their voices replaced by the scrape of cutlery and the low murmur of distant conversations.
We collected our trays in silence and sat at our normal table.
Calli sat close enough that our shoulders touched. Elara dropped into the seat across from us and immediately poked suspiciously at her stew.
“Still terrible,” she pronounced, then fished out the one decent-looking piece of meat and slid it into my bowl. “Despite what anyone else says, we’re all still here because of you. You get the good part.”
Emotion rose sharply in my throat. It was really Brim’s final points that pushed us over the edge, not mine.
“You don’t have to—”
“I know,” she said. “Eat it anyway.”
Brim sat at the end of the bench, quiet and moody. He stared at his tray for a long beat, then carefully pulled the chunk of bread from his bowl and set it on Calli’s.
She blinked. “What’s this for?”
He shifted, uncomfortable. “You like the crust.”
Calli smiled, small but bright. “I do,” she said, voice soft. “Thank you.”
Something in my chest eased as we ate together.
Not like condemned prisoners choking down their last meal. More like people clinging to the idea of friendship and truth for as long as we could. Calli cracked a terrible joke about Slate’s “motivational” pep talks. Elara threatened to curse the kitchen staff if she saw another turnip this week. Orion made a quiet comment about how he missed the stars in his old world more than anything else.
I didn’t say much. I just watched them—all of them—and tried to memorize this. The warmth. The way our shoulders brushed. The quiet understanding that whatever happened over the next few days, we would walk into it together.
When we finally scraped the last of the stew from our bowls, Calli pushed to her feet and stretched.
“Come on,” she said, glancing at me. “You’re still staying in my room. No arguments.”
“I definitely will not argue,” I said. “I’ve had enough near-death experiences for one day.”
Brim rose, too, the bench creaking under his weight. For a second, I thought he might leave without another word, but he cleared his throat and turned toward me.
“Bex.”
I looked up.
He took one deep breath before the words came.
“I should have told you the truth sooner,” he said. “From here forward, let’s agree to leave the past behind. I promise to have your back, if you’ll promise to have mine, too.”
His sincere words hit harder than any shouting match ever could.
“Always,” I said quietly.
He nodded once and turned away, heading for the barracks without looking back.
Calli slipped her arm through mine, tugging me toward the corridor.
“Progress,” she whispered. “I told you he was capable of kindness.”
Elara fell in on my other side.
“Just wait,” Calli said with a wink. “Soon we’ll all be hugging and braiding each other’s hair.”
“Don’t threaten me,” Elara muttered.
We laughed, the sound fragile but real as we made our way back to the sleeping quarters.
Calli’s room was dim, lit only by the faint glow from the crystal window. The false moon hung low, casting a soft wash of lavender across the narrow bed.
We changed in silence, and Calli collapsed into her sheets with a sigh and tugged the blanket up to her chin.
“You okay?” she asked into the half-dark.
“I think so,” I admitted, settling on the mattress we’d moved over from my room and pulling the covers over my legs. “Better than this morning, but I’m still scared about our future.”
She sighed.
“Same. If you start thinking too much, kick my bed. I’ll tell you ridiculous stories from my childhood in the trees until you fall asleep from boredom.”
A laugh escaped me. “Deal.”
Within minutes, her breathing evened out.
Mine didn’t.
I lay there staring at the ceiling, every blink filled with flashes of the day. The crown flaring, souls ripped free, Brim’s face when he told me they’d killed his little sister.
The Regent’s gaze, pinning me to the floor like a bug on a board.
Sleep didn’t want me.
After what felt like an hour of tossing, I slipped from the bed and walked across the floor in absolute silence, a magical gift I now cursed after what it had done to Brim’s family.
The corridor outside was mostly dark, the crystals along the walls dimmed to a light shimmer.
I told myself I was just going to get water. To walk. Breathe. Anything to stop replaying the look on Brim’s face when he’d said it was me who’d destroyed his family.
My steps carried me down past the mess hall, past the familiar path toward the training grounds. I should have turned back.
Wasn’t this exactly what everyone was so mad at me for? Going off on my own when I knew the dangers that lurked around every corner?
I knew it was dumb, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to see if he was there. I needed to talk to him. Alone.
The lower arena was mostly in shadow, the magical torches long dimmed. Only the center of the training ring held any real light. A circle of pale violet reacting to the power of the man standing in it.
He’d shed his armor for a simple dark shirt and trousers, but somehow that made him look even more dangerous. Less like a soldier and more like himself.
He moved through a precise sequence, barehanded, as if he were fighting an invisible opponent. Every twist and strike was controlled, violent and beautiful at the same time.
I should have turned around.
Instead, I stepped forward, yearning for the familiar electricity of his closeness.
Slate stopped mid-motion.
He didn’t turn right away. For a heartbeat, we just stood there, his back to me, my hand pressed to the nearest crystal pillar for balance.
“I told you to rest,” he said finally.
“I tried,” I said. “My brain didn’t get the memo.”
He faced me then, eyes catching the low light. There was something dark in his expression, tired and carved with shadows.
“You shouldn’t be down here alone,” he said. “If the Regent decides to—”
“She’s already decided,” I cut in, more sharply than I meant to. “It’s just a matter of when and how. I honestly don’t know why she hasn’t ended me outright.”
His jaw tightened, but he didn’t argue.
For a moment, neither of us spoke or moved.
“You said you’d deal with her,” I said finally, my heart racing. “Did you?”
“In my own way.” His mouth twisted humorlessly. “The Regent won’t hurt anyone on the team before the final round.”
“That’s not exactly comforting.”
“It wasn’t meant to be,” he said softly.
I stepped closer without really meaning to, drawn by some gravity I couldn’t resist.
“You’ve seen this before,” I said. “What she did in the arena. The crown. The executions.”
“Yes.”
“How many times?”
He hesitated, avoiding my eyes. “Too many.”
“I don’t know how you’ve survived here this long,” I whispered. “I’ve hardly made it a month without falling apart.”
“You’re still standing.”
“Barely.”
He took a step toward me, closing the distance a tiny bit more and sending my body up in flames. The arena was deadly, but the feelings I had for him felt far more dangerous.
“Barely still counts,” he whispered, eyes dipping toward my lips.
“I almost got us killed,” I said, breathless. “Twice. The exhibition. Today in the labyrinth. You were right to be furious. I’m a risk to the whole team.”
“They’d all be dead if you hadn’t found those buttons when you did.”
My eyes widened, unable to believe his words. “You called me reckless and irresponsible.”
“I did,” he said, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “Because you are.”
His hand lifted, hovering near my jaw but not quite touching.
“But you also did what you had to do. Brim said you were only looking out for yourself, but that’s why you broke from the group. You put yourself in danger so that they would not be punished for your choices. Not everyone would do that.”
He stepped closer, our bodies almost aligned now.
I could feel the heat coming off him. Could see the faint lines of the runes pulsing beneath his shirt as they awakened.
“You are both the blade and the hand that dares to wield it,” he said quietly. “That’s what terrifies the Regent.”
“That’s not why she hates me, and I think you know it as well as I do.” I looked up to find his eyes on mine, raw with desire. “Do I terrify you?”
His breath hitched.
“Yes,” he said.
The word shivered through me like a spell.
For a single, suspended heartbeat, I thought he might close the gap. His gaze dropped to my mouth, then back up as his fingers touched my cheek, calloused and careful, as if one wrong move would break us both.
“Slate,” I whispered.
He bent his head, so close I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin. But then he stopped.
Slowly, he pulled his hand back, wincing like it hurt to let go.
“This is a mistake,” he said, forcing the words out. “Whatever this is between us, it makes you a target. It risks the lives of our entire team.”
“I was a target the moment I fell into this world,” I said. “You know that.”
His eyes closed briefly, as if I’d confirmed something he didn’t want to admit. For whatever reason, Sabine had given me this dragonfly pendant and sent me into this world, knowing I’d be close to Slate. Knowing we were connected in some way.
I wanted to understand it myself.
Was it fate? Or manipulation?
“When you go into that arena in a few days,” he said, voice low and fierce, “you fight like you intend to live. Not just for some vague idea of revenge or freedom. For yourself. For every breath. For the people at your side.”
“I thought that’s what I’ve been doing.”
“No,” he said. “Your whole life, you’ve been fighting to survive. It’s not the same thing.”
I stared up at him, my chest tight. “What’s the difference?”
“Survival is fear,” he said. “Living is power. Choice.”
The words sank into me, and I could hardly breathe.
“Are we ever really free to choose in this place?” I asked. “With the Regent. The Priestess. The Order. Isn’t every choice a path to death?”
His gaze softened, and he lifted his hand again, as if to touch me but stopping just shy of my skin. “Choice is the only freedom we truly have.”
My heart ached. I wanted him to choose me, even though I knew how dangerous that would be for everyone.
“Slate…”
He stepped back before I could say anything else, retreating behind the lines he’d drawn around himself.
“Go back to Calli,” he said, voice rougher now. “Try to sleep. You’ll need every ounce of strength you have over the next few days.”
I wanted to argue. To demand more. To drag the truth out of him.
Why had he never chosen to leave? How long had he been trapped here? Why wouldn’t he let himself get close to me?
Instead, I nodded and took a step back.
“Will you sleep?” I asked.
A humorless smile ghosted across his mouth. “Not tonight.”
He turned away, picking up where he’d left off in his silent practice, moving through a new pattern of strikes and blocks like he could beat back the future through muscle memory alone.
I walked to the barracks with my pulse still racing and my skin buzzing where he’d touched me, if only for a moment.
Calli mumbled something in her sleep when I slipped back into the room, rolling toward the wall to make space for me in the quiet.
I lay down on the narrow mattress and stared at the ceiling again.
Tomorrow, we would train for our lives, but would any of it matter if the Regent wanted us dead?
At least this time, Brim would fight at my side instead of waiting to stab me in the back.
And Slate?
Slate would bark out his orders, pretending he didn’t care about anything or anyone, while the truth burned in the space between us.
For the first time since entering this world of mirrors and monsters, I understood something I hadn’t had words for before.
If I wanted more than survival…
If I ever wanted to truly live…
I was going to have to fight for it.